Science, Bullets and Vault Hunters
by PhailedNDA
Summary: "Those vault hunters are brutes, mindless, murderous savages. Through scientific research, I have been led to understand each of their traits and backstories. We shall begin Alphabetically. Axton- the soldier... He... Confuses me..." A series of drabbles focusing on the pairing Axton/Tannis. It's the first of its kind, and makes no sense at all, so what the hell, give it a try.


Through research, she had discovered Roland was forgetful, and often procrastinated things which did not concern killing Jack.

_Day 107, Roland has yet to replace this terrible ventilation system. I fear that with my continued exposure to the scent of bacon, my mind will snap and I will morph into one of the psychos that roam the harsh terrains of Pandora! Ahem, keeping professional. As I have previously mentioned, Bacon is for sycopaths and products of incest, and I am neither. I am a woman of science, and being one, I must remain professional at all times. Recently, I have tasked the vault hunters to retrieve my logs from various locations in the highlands of Pandora. I have warned them not to listen to any of them, but after conducting research which has not been in any way ethical, they are stubborn brutes and my darkest secrets will most likely revealed! _

Tannis paced back and forth in her office whilst observing the small piece of eridium she had in her hand. "Fascinating how this material enhances the powers of sirens…"

She had the intention of conducting an experiment on the two sirens in Sanctuary, but Lilith was simply adamant in being strapped to a table and getting eridium extracted forcefully from her body. Being extremely unethical, she had lied about the true nature of the experiment to Maya, who still, could not trust the insane scientist.

_How does this affect sirens, but doesn't affect us normal people in any way?_

She had contemplated working with Zed on this particular question, but he had been reluctant to share his findings with her. He'd only show her his medical research if she let him dissect her brain.

_I am a woman of Science! My brain is the most vital organ in my body! If he had asked to remove my uterus or ovaries, that might do, since I have no interest in sexual intercourse or being the unwilling host of a human child, but my brain! My brain holds all my valuable knowledge, years and years of research on sirens, Pandora and everything I've ever known! _

"Everyone here is stubborn and foolish, not understanding the meaning of Science!" She cried, raising the eridium dramatically.

"I know you're batshit insane, but that was too much," She heard the familiar voice of her ally. The soldier, and the other four brutes on his team. Axton, Zer0, Salvador, Maya and Gaige strolled in, knocking over a container of eridium.

_Savages, all of them. All they know is killing, guns and gold. They do not see the importance of knowledge! How it keeps the world intelligent, how my Science benefits all of them! Perhaps one day they might understand the value of this subject._

"What do you think you're doing? That is a rare substance! You are ignorant, not knowing how much bargaining and bribery I went through just to pick up every single piece!" Tannis screamed, scrambling to clean up the room.

"I think we deserve a thank you, and some money. We did get _every single recording._" Gaige pointed out, bouncing up and down. The others gave looks of agreement, all anticipating the reward she had promised. "And you didn't look through any of them?" She questioned, raising a brow. They all shook their heads spontaneously. Tannis eyed them suspiciously, looking out for signs of dishonesty. _I must admit, they do have some talent in lying…_

"I cannot trust you, but since you have brought every single one back unscathed, each of you will get this cash. Take it. And split it up amongst yourselves _evenly._" She said, tossing the cash into Maya's hands. Before they she knew it, they were all grabbing wads of cash from Maya's hands. Salvador had received 10 bucks, Zer0 2000 (cheater), Axton 1000 and Maya 50. Gaige was satisfied with the experience points, rushing off to upgrade DT. They poured out of the office, until the last one there was Axton.

"Tannis, you have got to be joking. A girl greets you and you f***ing squirt blood all over her face?" Axton chuckled.

"Aha! I knew it! Your lies don't trick me, I just knew it! From the shakes of your heads to the expression in your eyes! It has been scientifically proven that 69% of liars-"

"Tannis,"

"They all show similar characteristics, from sweating to-"

"Tannis?"

"It's just really obvious if you take the time to-"

"Tannis!"

"What, Axton, you interrupted an important message. I do hope you were taking notes, for that is very beneficial for your future scientific exploits!"

"First things first, I will never do anything Science related, cause blowing bandits' heads off is better. Secondly, you need some help."

"Oh, I need help? I am a professional, master at the Sciences. All I need is to conduct an experiment on what sort of human show of affection I need to display in order to not be… What is it you people call nowadays? Ah yes, weirdos," Tannis smiled, resuming with her work.

"Weirdos is a term for teenagers, Tannis," Axton sighed, watching her with a slightly bemused expression.

"So, I shall indeed conduct this research then," Tannis concluded.

"Not everything needs science, you know."

"Nonsense. Science provides the answers to all."

"Tell you what, you bring me whatever it is you do in Science-"

"A research paper,"

"That, and if I understand it, and it makes sense, I'll agree with you about Science."

"Fine then. Expect your research paper submitted tomorrow," Tannis concluded, getting a pen and paper from her desk. It was time to do some research on the social life of Sanctuary's citizens.

**A/N: weirdest ship ever, but I dreamt of it. Tannis and Axton… What the hell am I up to.**


End file.
